Acceptance First

Have you ever worked with a coach or therapist who promised to “fix” or “change” you?

What if change cannot be forced?

When Change Becomes the Problem

Many coaching and therapy approaches are steeped in the language of transformation—change the behavior, change the mindset, change the outcome. Early in his career, Dr. Tom Luttrell followed that model. But over time, he noticed a pattern: the more he tried to change others, the less lasting the results. It was a hard truth to confront—especially in a profession built around "improvement."

So he began to unlearn the idea that people need to be fixed.

The Paradox of Change

Dr. Luttrell’s turning point came through his study of Gestalt therapy and the humanistic work of Carl Rogers—both of which emphasize unconditional acceptance. Writing about how Gestalt therapy works, Dr. Arnold Beisser described a"Paradoxical Theory of Change":

"Change occurs when one becomes what he is, not when he tries to become what he is not... By rejecting the role of change agent, we make meaningful and orderly change possible...

"The Gestalt therapist rejects the role of 'changer'... Rather, change can occur when the patient abandons, at least for the moment, what he would like to become and attempts to be what he is.”

This concept helped reshape Dr. Luttrell’s practice.

Therapists and coaches often define success by how well their clients meet their goals—but tying your worth to someone else’s progress is risky. When results hinge on external outcomes, the work becomes a roller coaster.

That’s when Dr. Luttrell made a quiet, but profound decision. He wrote:

“I quit… being a change agent.”

He hasn't looked back since.

Of course, people still come to him seeking change. But now, he begins with something deeper: acceptance. And paradoxically, when people feel truly seen and valued as they are, meaningful change often follows.

Growth or Grace?

Which is more important: growth or grace? How do we balance the two?

For people of faith, this isn’t new. In many traditions, change flows from being fully accepted—not from fear or shame. The story of Jesus and the woman caught in adultery offers a powerful example: before he said, “Go and sin no more,” he first said, “Neither do I condemn you.”

This order matters.

Whether you come from a faith background or not, the principle is universal: acceptance creates the safety where healing begins.

If we had to choose a starting point, we’d start with grace. With acceptance. Growth is important—but without grace, growth becomes a performance. A treadmill of striving. And without growth, grace can lose its grounding. We need both. But grace must come first.

The Philosophy of HigherChange

At HigherChange, our motto is simple: Acceptance First.

We believe that genuine healing and transformation can only grow from a foundation of unconditional acceptance. But make no mistake—acceptance is not complacency. It’s not giving up. It’s choosing to see someone clearly, hold space for their humanity, and walk with them toward something better.

This isn’t just a method. It’s a mindset. A way of relating. And it works.

Why Acceptance Comes First

Here are several reasons why "Acceptance First" or acceptance as a first step is important for the healing and change of individuals:

🛡️ Psychological Safety

People are more likely to open up when they feel safe. Acceptance lowers defenses and invites vulnerability—the heart of healing.

🤝 Building Trust

Acceptance builds rapport. Trust deepens when people feel respected as they are, not pressured to become someone else.

💞 Self-Compassion

When we learn to treat ourselves with the kindness we offer others, we create space for growth without shame.

🚫 Reducing Shame & Stigma

Acceptance challenges the stigma surrounding mental health, addiction, and trauma. It says: you are not broken.

💪 Empowerment & Autonomy

Change that comes from within—rather than pressure from others—is more authentic and sustainable.

🔍 Authentic Exploration

Acceptance allows people to explore who they truly are. No masks. No pretending. Just presence.

🌱 Resilience & Coping

Knowing you’re accepted strengthens your ability to navigate setbacks and handle stress.

🧠 Supportive Relationships

When you experience acceptance, you’re more likely to seek relationships that reflect it—and to offer it in return.

💬 Vulnerability & Openness

Acceptance invites us to tell the truth. And telling the truth—especially about our pain—is where healing starts.

🔁 Sustainable Change

Lasting growth doesn’t come from willpower alone. It comes from acceptance-fueled clarity and a desire to thrive.

Acceptance in Therapy and Coaching

“Acceptance First” is more than a slogan. It’s a posture. It’s how we honor the dignity and agency of every person we work with.

When people feel accepted, they’re free to be honest. To grieve. To hope. To grow.

That’s what healing looks like.

For more on our approach and team, visit the HigherChange homepage: http://www.higherchange.com

To learn more about the psychological concept of acceptance, visit:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Acceptance

Frequently Asked Questions

1. What is psychotherapy?

Psychotherapy, also known as talk therapy or counseling, is a collaborative process between a trained therapist and an individual seeking support. It aims to explore thoughts, emotions, behaviors, and experiences to promote personal growth, emotional well-being, and address specific concerns. Psychotherapy encompasses various approaches, such as cognitive-behavioral therapy, psychodynamic therapy, and humanistic therapy, tailored to meet the individual's needs.
2. How long does psychotherapy last?

The duration of psychotherapy varies depending on several factors, including the individual's goals, the complexity of their concerns, and their progress throughout the therapeutic process. Some individuals may benefit from short-term therapy, consisting of a few sessions or weeks, to address specific issues or provide immediate support. Long-term therapy may span several months or years, focusing on deeper exploration and ongoing personal development. The therapist and individual collaborate to determine the appropriate duration of therapy based on their unique circumstances.
3. How do I find the right therapist for me?

Finding the right therapist involves considering several factors. It's important to seek a licensed and qualified therapist with expertise in the specific concerns you want to address. You can ask for recommendations from trusted sources, such as healthcare professionals or friends who have had positive experiences with therapy. Online directories and therapist matching platforms can also help you find therapists in your area. Additionally, it's crucial to feel comfortable and have a good rapport with your therapist, so scheduling an initial consultation or phone call to assess the fit is recommended.
4. Do you accept insurance?

For mental health issues, we accept Blue Cross Blue Shield and affiliates (CareFirst, Anthem, BCBS Federal Employee Program, etc.) and Cigna or Evernorth. HOWEVER, please note that to qualify for insurance benefits, therapy must be related to a mental health diagnosis, like anxiety, depression, PTSD, etc., that has medical necessity. Most insurance plans do not cover relationship or sexual issues. Yes, it is sad considering that these are often the primary drivers for mental health issues. Please do not ask us to bill your insurance for relationship or sexual issues without first contacting your insurance company to check to see if your plan covers it. (We don't want to keep asking them.) Also, we cannot make up a diagnosis either, as this is insurance fraud and can cost us our license and result in serious penalties. Plus, insurance companies occasionally audit psychotherapy notes to ensure that treatment is related to the reported diagnosis. You can always choose to skip insurance and pay for therapy out of pocket. This will maximize your privacy and widen your pool of therapists. Thank you for your understanding.
5. Is psychotherapy confidential?

Confidentiality is a fundamental principle in psychotherapy. Therapists are legally and ethically bound to maintain the privacy and confidentiality of the information shared during therapy sessions. However, there are a few exceptions to confidentiality, such as when there is a risk of harm to oneself or others, child or elder abuse, or when a court order requires the disclosure of information. Your therapist should explain their confidentiality policy and any exceptions during the initial sessions.